Sometimes You Just Need Your Mom

Children develop independence during their high school years, pushing their parents away, learning to stand on their own, which is exactly as it should be. By the time they are in college, they have learned to separate their darks and lights and juggle a busy schedule, and they are making decisions and mistakes of which we are mostly, blissfully, unaware. But, every once in awhile, something like a stomach bug hits and, well, a person just needs their mom. Actually, if mom is squeamish, a dad is pretty useful too for when you throw up, but that is a topic for a different day. Last week, my daughter needed her mom.

Yes, she needed her mother, but to really do my job right, I found myself channeling my own mom. Wandering the grocery aisles I tried to remember what my mother fed me when I was sick: chicken soup of course, toast with jam, jello, canned peaches. Ah, canned peaches. With each memory I felt a spark, a little happy feeling, the memory of feeling safe, that my mom knew what to do, of being in good hands, an “everything is going to be alright” feeling. All of that seemed to be contained in the sweet taste of canned peaches.

I remember too, though, that same sweetness would become cloying after a few days, and I would want something else. I would get cranky, push my way back onto my feet and be out the door, leaving my mom behind to clean up the crumbs and wash the dirty sheets. (Sorry, Mom)

For us moms, I think the hardest part is knowing when to let go, again, and how not to overstep. Just because your child wants you to put a cold compress on her forehead doesn’t mean she wants you to advise her about her love life. We all know a mom’s love can be a double-edged sword. (Sorry kids) I know moms: I am one. We come with baggage. We often have trouble knowing when to hold our tongues. We can be intrusive, critical and offer endless unwanted advice, all out of love for you. Too often we don’t even have to open our mouth and we are still the voice in your head getting in the way of making your own decisions. I understand: I have a mom too.

Certainly it is important for all of us to learn how to take care of ourselves, to carry the burdens of life in our own strong arms. That is what mature, responsible adults do. But honestly there are times in life when we just can’t do it, physically, emotionally, for a day or for a week: times when we have to put the burden down. That is when moms come in so handy.

As a mom, I have done a lot of thinking about what happens when a mom needs a mom. Last year I was very sick over a period of about 6 weeks. My husband and daughter helped as much as they could, but as I lay on the couch I really wanted my mom. She would know what to do, she would read my every shade of pale, she would appear with tea when I needed it. I would have been able to Let Go. My mom actually wanted to come, driven by that deep need to be with a child in distress. But, mother that I am, I wasn’t about to let my 86 year old mother fly across the country to take care of me. My sister and friends would have been there for me if I had asked – indeed many wonderful people did help me – but everyone has other priorities in their life. Only your mom, if you have a good one, makes you feel, whether it is true or not, that there is nothing else they need to do but be there for you.

There is something of the super-hero to that role a mom plays. My nephew and some friends recently started a band and in true rock band form they picked a name that no one really understands. They call themselves “nightmom.” I am from the wrong generation and target market to have any success figuring out how they picked the name, but I liked the explanation my nephew gave as to what a nightmom is:

“A nightmom is a super hero. She wears a nightgown and walks around the house. She is always there for you. She loves you. She’s great.”

That pretty much sums it up. How great to go through life knowing nightmom has got your back.

Thanks, Mom.